Real
by 29Pieces
Summary: A conversation that should have happened between Cas and Chuck. Chuck knows what his son wants more than anything. Drabble, post Amara era.


_A/N: We will return to our normal scheduled chapter fic on Wednesday, but meanwhile, have a drabble! And thank Aini Nufire, this came up after beta reading one of her works and just really wanting Chuck to be there for Cas!_

* * *

"Castiel."

He's certain that he's hearing things. He knows the voice, but obviously it's not real. Castiel doesn't open his eyes, letting the darkness wash over him like a soothing balm that he can't keep forever. If only when he opened his eyes, it would all be over. Castiel isn't one to give up - never has been - but his time with Lucifer has left him exhausted. His time on earth has left him worn. His time as a hated outcast who had given everything and had nothing left to offer has left him broken.

He hears a sigh.

"Castiel. Cas... Will you at least look at me?"

"Are you real?" Castiel asks, choking with gravel and pain. Lucifer was the lucky one. Lucifer got to have an actual conversation with their father, while Castiel had to sit there and listen. Not once did Chuck even address him. Not once did Chuck even acknowledge that he was in there, burning with questions of his own. Castiel thought it had hurt before, praying to a father that he couldn't be sure was listening, talking to empty air.

But that paled in comparison to the pain of sitting _right there_ before his father, and being ignored.

Another sigh.

"Yeah, I'm real. Look, I know it might seem like I haven't been there-"

"It might _seem_?"

Castiel opens his eyes at last. He's almost surprised to see Chuck standing there in Castiel's room in the Bunker where he's sought solitude. He was convinced the voice was a figment of his imagination. He still hasn't ruled out the possibility.

Chuck looks away, shifting his weight. "I just wanted you to know, everything's going well with my sister. You guys saved everything, so... you know, I just thought a reward was in order-"

Castiel is on his feet in seconds, fists clenching against the anguish that pours over his wildly beating heart. "A reward?" he interrupts as his face crumples. "I don't want a _reward_. I wanted _you_. I wanted your _help_. I just wanted-" He can't go on, turning his back on his father who had long since turned his back on him.

After a second, a hand falls on his shoulder. Castiel longs to pull away, but he's equally longing to savor that touch for as long as he can, as this might be the only time in his life he's permitted actual contact with his father. The thought brings angry tears that aren't allowed to fall.

"I know what you wanted, Castiel. I know you better than you think I do."

"Do you."

The hand squeezes. "Everything you've done, Cas... the sacrifices you've made? I never rewarded you for any of them. But you kept making them. I never praised you for it. I never answered you when you called. But it never turned you from your course."

"So I'm supposed to believe it was all a test?" Castiel snapped, shoulders heaving, still half-convinced that he's speaking with a hallucination, but aching for it to be real. If it's really God, there's a good chance Castiel's insolence could be punishable by death, but Lucifer got to have his say and Castiel is going to have his. "Was it a game? An experiment, how much I could take before I break?"

Chuck's hand disappears and the air is filled with sorrow. "No... no, Castiel. Of course not- no. I'm just saying, you were never rewarded for all the good things you've done, and you never asked for anything in return, which is how I know your motives were pure. That your heart... that everything about you is true."

Silence descends, because what is Castiel supposed to say to that? If he was so true, so pure, then why has he continuously been punished? Castiel doesn't want a reward, but he would very much love for the punishment to end. If God smites him down right now, he will honestly count that reward enough.

But Chuck doesn't make a move to hurt him. After a moment, soft footsteps precede Chuck stepping around into Castiel's view. The angel looks away, not wanting to give Chuck the satisfaction of seeing his swimming eyes.

"Like I said," Chuck murmurs, now setting both hands on Castiel's shoulders. "I know what you want, more than anything. That's why I'm here. Because after all you've been through... you deserve this much, Cas. I'm here because I wanted to tell you, to your face... that I love you."

Castiel wasn't prepared for this, can't stop the sharp exhale from bursting out of his mouth as barbs pierce his heart. His gaze slides back to his father, even more certain this isn't real, but desperate not to wake up now. Chuck's expression has turned soft, mouth smiling slightly through the scraggly facial hair.

"I heard you, you know. Every prayer. Every time you asked me for help, and believe me, it killed me sometimes not being able to answer. I know you don't understand why I had to stay away, and I won't hope for your forgiveness, but I want you to know... there was never a single moment when you were alone. There was never a second that I wasn't with you. I was always rooting for you, my most faithful of angels. Cas... I know what you want, and you deserve to hear it." Chuck pauses, swallowing, the choked words almost tangible with the emotion that Castiel can't believe is true.

But he can't tear his eyes away now, clinging to this moment, grasping each word like a lifeline that he's been searching for since the moment he first discovered his own doubt.

Chuck smiles, eyes watering, as he finishes, "I saw every sacrifice you made, and I loved you through every one of them. I saw every mistake and forgave you before you'd even made it. I brought you back, time and again, not to punish you, Cas, but because a heart like yours was still needed in the world. I have loved you more than anyone has loved anything, and I- Castiel, you've done so good and I'm just... immeasurably _proud_ that you are my son."

He can't take any more, and Castiel lets the tears fall thick and heavy, rolling down his cheeks as he allows his father to pull him in tightly into an embrace that feels like creation and life. He clings to Chuck's coat and gasps through sobs that wrack his increasingly fallen body. The words, the ones he's always been searching for and at long last has found, wrap around his heart in a cocoon of warmth and joy and love, the only thing he ever wanted. _It's not real_ , his mind whispered with devious pragmatism. _It can't be real_.

"It's real," Chuck murmurs in reply, not making a move to let go. "And nothing will ever change that."

For a long time, they don't move, as the sobs work their way through Castiel's body. By the time every tear is spent, his heart feels lighter than it's ever felt, his spirit replenished with the love and forgiveness that he's hungered for.

When he straightens, Chuck is gone, though Castiel still feels the warmth of his father's presence woven into the fibers of his coat. The angel wipes at his eyes, struggling to control his breathing, looking around again in search of some sign what spell he might be under to have seen all of that. Because it... it surely wasn't real.

 _"It's real,"_ a voice whispers in his mind. A weight appears in his pocket, hot even through the layers of fabric.

With a shaky inhale, Castiel slips his hand into the pocket. Fingers brush against worn string, and then smooth metal that burns with divinity. He pulls out the amulet that he once carried, so long ago, searching for a father who refused to be found. Castiel's eyes swim with tears anew as he runs his fingertips over the heated surface that speaks of his father's presence. It's a promise. It's a gift. It's love.

It's real.


End file.
